


Foster's Constant

by Starfire (kalypsobean)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Platonic Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 20:12:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1524086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalypsobean/pseuds/Starfire





	Foster's Constant

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Haywire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haywire/gifts).



She knows she's falling, but it's not like the world is exactly going about its business around her. She had to stop watching the news, and then television altogether. And the papers, she doesn't read those either, although she thinks Darcy keeps a scrapbook and that's why there are always photos and articles around, although it's Erik's flat and he's been somewhat absent of late.

Darcy pulled her out of it, before, and she thinks that's when they actually became friends. 

 

The first time it wasn't like this; they just looked at each other, when it was all over, and it was like they said 'okay' and went back to work, as if it never happened, although it did and that's kind of why they kept going in the first place. And how, because everything was so much easier when she knows what she's trying to prove and it's just a matter of getting there rather than wandering blindly past it a few times before saying 'what if?' and turning at the right corner. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s resources weren't exactly a hardship, either. But still, they went on, and it became them against everyone else - those who said it couldn't be done and those who didn't want them to finish, and they came close, damnit.

 

Then Tromsø happened, and she knew it was for a reason. Darcy found out for her, putting her first, again, and that was when it all shattered. Darcy was there for that too; Darcy held her hand the entire plane ride to New York, and drove the whole way back to New Mexico while she stared out the window.

 

Moving on meant forgetting that too, and she maybe sort of regrets it, but that's the way things are now. 

 

~*~

 

With all the moving and dropping projects to move and chase readings they can't really get much in the way of grants; even if she still had a defined project with a hypothesis and a method and a projected result that people would be interested enough in to pay for, she doesn't have the reputation for them to back her. Some days they just eat cereal, and it's like undergrad, except Erik's apartment isn't a dorm and her lack of motivation is because everything has a history, and she can't put it out of her mind. So she stops looking at the readings and puts away her books, and sometimes she doesn't even change out of her pyjamas, because they're comfortable and there's no point. There's nobody but Darcy to see her, anyway, and the consultant fees can be stretched at least another two months if she's careful with it. It's called being economical, and when Darcy gives her a hug and shows her an online dating account with her picture on it, that's called being a friend, even if it is crossing the line and a date would mean new clothes. 

"If that's what you want, go for it." Darcy said, when Jane asked if she thought she should just give up and be an anonymous person in Poughkeepsie. "I mean, I wouldn't have anything to do, since I'm your intern and you still aren't paying me, so I don't have any savings to fall back on while I find someone else to follow around, and I'd probably just follow you anyway, so, yeah, if you want."

It would be too much effort, she decides, and S.H.I.E.L.D. would still have someone watching her; that's the kind of thing that never stops, so, she doesn't. 

She still ignores the beeping in the makeshift lab, and Darcy still writes the numbers on a chart, and things go on.

Darcy makes her agree to a date after that, and of course, that's how it starts all over again.

 

~*~

 

This is how it feels to find out you love someone and it's too late to tell them, to take everything back and start again. It's when you turn around and find someone in your place, laughing at things you used to think were funny and reminding you of what you can't have anymore. 

Darcy has become her constant, and she can't remember how she coped before hiring her. Now, as if by default, the time that was just theirs is filled with people and she barely sees Darcy alone. She remembers being in that little room in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s New York offices, with its white-grey walls and gleaming metal table legs. The light reflected up into her eyes and she still tells herself that's why she started to cry, because the light hurt her eyes, and not because she'd been shuttled halfway around the world for her protection and abandoned by some alien god person who declared his undying love and left only to ignore her when he came back. Darcy was sitting next to her and it only took a few seconds before there was something rough wiping her cheeks and an arm pulling her in. 

"If this doesn't come out, you can buy me a new one," Darcy said, and the hug lasted until she felt like everyone else in the room was staring at them like they were the objects unknown origin. Darcy's jacket was stained dark and still wet through when they got to the Hertz lot, and Jane buys her a new one in Pittsburgh, doesn't even need to find out what size.

Darcy gets them rooms with a double bed and doesn't complain when she wakes up, screaming, then crying, and then just to check that Darcy's still there. It's one of the things they don't talk about; the van is still where they left it and after a few days it's like they'd never had to leave. 

Except it was, and Darcy tried everything, and Jane shut her out, focusing on the research because until then it had been the only thing that made sense, until it didn't.

 

That's why she agreed, because she turned around and Darcy wasn't in the apartment, and wouldn't say where she'd been, and Jane knows that the time for whatever they could have had is gone. But this time, the world's changed again, and Darcy won't be there to pick her up and drive her home.


End file.
